Stain at the end of my street

You’re a self-confessed millionaire .
You drive a shitty white station wagon.
You ride a shittier scooter.
You wear a helmet and painting face mask when you ride it.
You make me laugh.
You make me want to punch you in the face.
You tried, and failed to get the phone number of my female flatmate.
You tell them you’re a millionaire.
You are not.

You are A
Lying, wonky wagon driving, scabby scooter riding, race car painting mutation, of hilliarious proportions.
I want to beat you,
Just a little.
Stop perving on my flatmates!

Strangely enough,
Fat deluded old men aren’t their type.

As Mad As The Guy Next Door

My face looked like shit in the mirror this morning
Hopefully I smell better in the afternoon.
At twelve my conscience wept as it realized my moral fibre isn’t strong enough to hold me together
I beamed a face of pure ignorance to keep myself at bay
At 330 It only served to send me awash in a sea of self-disgust.

It’s all very poetic, but it doesn’t have the balls to kill me.
At least it appears that way.
At 1 am
Is this madness?
or just intervention?

Do you feel the same?

A day in the life of a strangely normal person beginning again.

Just For An Evening even

Just for an evening
Allow me to flounder in the heavy weightlessness of my dreams.
Drowning here I’m happy forever.
Deny the buoyancy of my consciousness and the urge to breach the surface into the promise less heights of the new morning.
I dread the sadistic peaks that lift me up
They only do it to give a point of reference to how good it can be as I wallow in the troughs
Up there I survive on a diet of melon and cauli
It’s enough to sustain me
It makes my gut heavy
But it won’t fill my heart

Let my lungs inhale to capacity, the warmth of your memory
Allow me to float here within myself with you.

Just for an evening.

A wee ditty

Dance with me inside my mind
If only for a while
For I can live here happily remembering your smile
For me.

The cigarettes are killing me
It’s so plain to see
I still smoke them everyday
It keeps the nerves
From me.

I hope that I don’t end up
With some form of lung cancer
I don’t want to pay the price of a nicotine romancer
But it’s me.

Tiny love contusions
You leave above my shoulder
Promise to be my neck romancer
Until we grow much older.

Wallow with me
In my pity
On this earthly Crust
I will give you all my love
If you give all your lust
To me.

What a wonderful world

Anyone can live
But not everyone can change the world forever.

Everyone will live
And all they do will change something.

But wouldn’t it be nice
If no one changed anything

If only
If

Oh, if no one made their dent
Or mark
Or blemish

And if we lived in a world where we didn’t have an overriding sense
To kill our trees
To spread disease
To kill ourselves
To stock our shelves
To make our mark
To dis embark
From ourselves and everything we have come to know
For just a minute.

But we can’t.
And we won’t.

I wish it was as simple as living in Louis Armstrong’s conception of the world
But it’s not
And it never will be
We are fucked.

Much more than a shoe

I have discovered nothing
Or as close as I can get
By god it suits me

Alone with my thoughts
I think of you
You may be dead
But you’re certainly around

Like that familiar scent inside my shoe
That only comforts me
And anyone else lucky enough to be marked by your musk.

A bitter sweet thing
That can’t be manifested in a factory
So pure indeed that description can’t come close.

You hang in the air
And I smile at odd times when you float in unannounced
No one knows why I look into the distance when I do.

Never be deodorised
Never lose your scent
Never waft away

Stay with me my brother.

A MODEL CITIZEN

Walking on stilts like a thick legged flamingo
Spirulina shakes are not enough to sustain you
Occasionally you will nibble on a rice cracker like a rat in a cage
Eyes darting wildly to avoid being seen eating
Then you snort wildly into a bag of white powder
Chortling away like a mad Cockatoo swine.

You strut emaciated and immaculate
Impervious to the damage you do
A generation of 15 year old girls vomit in awe.

In your wake their diaphragms quiver with lust
Thoughts of being a healthy weight melt away like their bile soaked teeth.
They expel their lunch and better judgement to be like you.

You are one of a kind
Truly a model.

CHILDHOOD OF A FRIEND

The free range children run through endless gardens in bloom
Into forests filled with the original native song book
You explained but I did not understand the cruel absurdity of possum traps
The gold sand beaches remain to this day frozen in the hour glass catacombs of my mind
I still marvel at the giant footprints of my parents in the sand next to mine
I will never feel as warm and safe in all my life.

TGIF

I sat in the shadows in silence and obscurity

I marvelled at the overflowing human phatic faeces

spouting un controllably from a fountain of distortion that vaguely resembled a human face.

Jesus is this, what I’m like when I drink?



I stood there in silence in the unseen periphery of a piss up

I could take the pain no longer.

I turned and walked home in total disgust.

Not by them

but by me.

I am the same.

I am them.

SURVIVAL OF THE SHITEST

I can’t remember where

But I once read

Sheep go to Heaven

And goats got to Hell

It is indeed upsetting news for the poor llamas

I assume they must wait in limbo.



I understand we have a pecking order

But I grow increasingly confused and uneasy

By all accounts we don’t have beaks.

How long before we fall off our perch?



The notion of survival of the fittest is queer at best

Obesity is the wide spread pandemic of our times

But seemingly represents affluence.

How long before we go too far and tip the scale?



This ponderous puzzle is right there to be put back together

I wonder if all the pieces are even in the box

Even if they are

How are we meant to fix the globe with the confinement of a rectangular, jig saw like thinking?



Has the world gone mad?

Is it just me?

Bugger it

Too much thought

Besides Survivor is about to start and I can’t miss that.

I could live for a thousand years and not understand my mind.
I could know you forever and sigh eternally at your insecurities.
But just for a moment, for this brief time we understand perfectly and huddle together desperately.
We know we are nothing more than the sum total of our experiences.
It scares us entirely as we shiver through the cold blue light of night.

The morning sun brings the promise of another day
That I’m not sure I want.

RETIRE MEANT FUN, BUT NOT ANYMORE.

6am
The usual time these days
I used to sleep in all day when I was younger
Now I just eat soup and go to bed after the news.

My creaking ribs ache with each breath
All my bones ache
When it’s cold
When it’s wet
When I do nothing for too long
My bones ache.

Everybody I know
Memories
They haunt within this thick skull, too dense to learn new skills
Too scared to meet new people
Too tired to watch them die.

This oddly shaped meat sack of rattling bones spills out of its edges
Or would if it had them anymore
All definition is now undefined
Blurred and grey
I waste away.

I don’t have my own teeth
But at least I have bowel control

I once looked forward to these workless days
These days nothing works at all.

Welcome to retirement
Like it’s something to look forward to
Ha!

So these are the golden, twilight years

GO EAT A AUCKLAND.

Hey fair city,
I took your ride.
You took me to the dizzying heights of your sky scrapers.
When the ride came crashing down you left my head in the clouds and my face in the gutter.

Hey there fare city,
I paid all the way.
I left all my ambition inside your high priced bars.
The very same ones kept me captive for years.

Hey there fear city.
You scared me to death.
You convinced me that I wasn’t strong or gifted enough to swim in your bottomless pool of talent.

Hey there city,
I’m not scared anymore, I see what you are.
Fuck your circus!
You can’t have my soul!
I won’t pay anymore!

CULTURE SHOCK AT tHE INTERNATIONAL FOODCOURT

Lady on the other side of the food court with a lovely new haircut
I am not sure if it is you or your friend with the UTI
But you are speaking too loud.

Man to my left with a bowl of some of the most generic Chinese food I have ever seen.
You are staring too hard
They have seen you and lowered their voices.
They are looking at you with disgust in their eyes
You are nothing but a pervert
Save yourself now and avert your gaze.

Me with a curry in a dark corner at a table for one
My observations make me feel superior
I am no better than you
We are all brought together by a love of crap food.

I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

My brain lies dormant on the floor with that same antagonising gaze
“What are you gunna do?”
I try to kick it under the bed
It’s too full to fit
filled up with hopes and dreams.
“Don’t forget unattainable goals.”

I can’t silence its taunts
It seems we are linked
“Ha, you wish.”

My cupboard offers the chance to shut it away
It slips of a coat hanger and falls to the floor.

Now I have a headache
“I’m sorry, don’t hurt us, we can do something I’m sure.”
What would be the point?

My brain slinks away defeated
Its attempts to rouse brilliance failed.
It won’t try it again
At least for a week.

We get along fine at parties
In fact we’re quite pleasant.
I can’t work it out.

It’s the day to day existence that gets us both down
“And the statistical truth of our lack lustre performance.”
Fuck you they’re just figures.
“The numbers don’t lie.”

Now we’re not talking and are mad with each other
Sitting inside room 21 b of the psychiatric ward explaining ourselves.

I open my mouth
Here come the drugs.

See they’re trying to change you
It is your fault.

But it’s too late
It gives no reply

I am numb
I am devoid

And I sleep like a lamb.


Luck

STOP TOUCHING ME

Oh dear people that touched me with your generous, shining souls
It was gold in my mind
But my fools memory now replicates a cheap much duller version.

Oh good friends who walked in and changed me
who moved on seemingly in a heart beat
I know it was years
But that’s relative

Oh kindred spirits that went to the bar and beyond
Do I swagger eternally in your memory?

Oh dear estranged that convinced me ever so briefly that human kind wasn’t completely doomed
I am utterly and eternally screwed without you.
Once again this is relative
But it doesn’t make it less real.

All good people coming my way
I don’t think I can take another one of you.
Your kindness and sincerity will surely do me in.

Eclipsed by booze, the dawn of man, and apocalyptic dinosaurs in no particular order

I gravitate toward the bar and am consumed by consumption
Out of the blue the being that you recognise is eclipsed.
A menacingly slow but steady, dark blurred version of myself begins to manifest on my face
I remain vaguely familiar, for a while at least.

You look away for a second to point me out to a friend
By the time you turn back it appears I’m completely gone
The crawling dark shift moved quicker than first glance had appeared
All you can see is the red faced glow on the periphery of my cheeks
Time seems to stand still.

You have seen it all before
But something in your nature shivers as you toy with the notion of the permanence
The alcohol apocalypse and the complete destruction of everything my mind knows
It doesn’t sit well with you.
You shake your head.

I spin into orbit like a shot up star only to re-enter seconds later crashing into the ground meteor style
Extinction.
Peace.

It’s the dawn of man now and I stumble to the cafe
A few people excitedly enquire if their peers had partaken in the under whelming marvel of yesterevening

I seek enlightenment from the baggage that weighs heavy on my mind
But the coffee gods are cruel and the breakfast sausage repeats.
I am reduced to nothing.
A man.
A quivering self-loathing mess.
Facing a porcelain hell designed for all kinds of horrible shit.
But why this?
Why me?
I’ll never do it again.
But I know I am powerless to stop the heavenly mind state and evening glow of the moonshine that calls to our kind.